Continuing series on dealing with difficult people

Know-It-Alls are knowledgeable and very competent people, highly assertive and outspoken in their viewpoints, according to Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner in their excellent book, “Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring the Best in People at Their Worst.”

These personalities want to get the job done their way. They are controlling with a low tolerance for correction or contradiction. Present new ideas and Know-It-Alls will think and feel it challenges their competency. They will push back and question the questioner.

Change your attitude

Resist the temptation to become a Know-It-All yourself and resent the KIA that is attacking you. Adjust your attitude and become more flexible, patient and very clever about how you present your ideas. The KIA struggles daily with uncertainty, so you must reframe the way you see this person to effectively deal with him. KIAs are very insecure people, are usually very unhappy and live in a very narrow world of life.

In your mind, find a role model who exhibits and uses the behaviors of resiliency and flexibility in handling KIAs.

Your goal

You have to help Know-It-Alls embrace new ideas and information. Remember, insecure people rarely want to open their minds to uncertainty. When the KIA stands in your way and frustrates you, see it as the challenge to open his or her mind.

Action plan

1. Be prepared and know your subject matter. The Know-It-All will monitor all incoming information and seek out errors. Make one error and the KIA will use it to discredit your entire proposal. Clearly think through all your information before engaging him. Know what you want to say, and say it briefly, clearly and concisely.

2. Backtrack respectfully. With the Know-It-All personality, you will backtrack more than with any other personality style. KIAs must feel that you have heard and understsood their “brilliant” ideas before you can redirect them. By reflecting back on their “brilliance,” you will help move them forward. You must show respect and sincerity. Be polite and slowly backtrack. If they become impatient with you, move forward.

3. Blend with their doubts and desires. Know-It-Alls believe in an idea because something in that idea makes it important to them. It is best to understand what makes the idea so important to them and acknowledge your understanding while blending in your ideas. Listen carefully and acknowledge their dismissals by using them to penetrate their defenses.

4. Present your ideas and views indirectly. Proceed quickly yet cautiously at this step. When the Know-It-All’s defenses are down, the time has come to redirect them to your idea. Use words that soften the message — “maybe,” “perhaps,” “this may be a detour,” “bear with me for a moment,” “I was just wondering” — to position your idea as being indirect and even hypothetical. Use “we” and “us” rather than “you” and “I.” This helps position you not as the enemy or the attacker. It also provides KIAs the opportunity to share a bit of ownership in the idea as they ponder it. Use questions instead of statements. To be a Know-It-All, the person always has answers to questions. That means he must consider the question in order to answer it. This all requires extreme patience. Simply, think before you speak, backtrack with sincerity, dovetail all your ideas into their doubts and desires, and be indirect with your new ideas.

5. Turn them into mentors. If you are willing to bite the bullet and really want to win the Know-It-All over to your side, turn him into a mentor. By recognizing the KIA as an expert and that you are willing to learn from him, you instantly become less of a threat. Then as your good ideas are slowly integrated into his thinking, you become a much wiser collaborator with the KIA.

Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong is a communications and management consultant and a certified aggression management trainer. He can be reached at drdarryl@aol.com or 1-888-340-2006 or www.armstrongandassociates.org. He offers the workshop, “How to Deal with Difficult People,” and is certified to offer aggression management training for professionals.